There’s an element of linking achievements to self worth.
We praise people who “do” a lot and hold them in high regard.
And our thought process can sometimes twist that to become:
- If I achieve things I will be praised
- Being praised means I am a good person
- Being a good person means I am loved
- Therefore, achievements = love
And this is categorically untrue.
This is a modern western sickness in my eyes, the connection between achievements and self worth.
I know personally, people who have strived for greatness their entire lives to gain approval from people (mainly their parents).
Only to end up miserable, depressed and burned out because they’re not moving towards their own purpose.
Self worth and self acceptance aren’t fostered very well by humans.
I don’t think it’s a modern thing.
If anything, we’ve gotten better at developing our sense of self pride and acceptance in recent history, but it still isn’t great.
We’re taught from a very very early age two impactful lessons that are both false.
- What people think of you, matters (based on their values)
- Your value as a human is tied to what you achieve
From very early in your life, you are literally graded based on your academic understanding of school subjects.
Your ability to memorise dates and facts, and then regurgitate them, takes up over a decade of your life.
You’re then ranked in comparison to other children and that ranking determines (apparently) how much you’ll earn, what you can accomplish and your value as a human being.
You’re also taught to aim for a good job because you don’t want to be a bin-man/woman or a factory worker – because presumably, they don’t earn that much.
Which is a MENTAL bananas insane lesson to teach children.
That A) your value as a human depends on how much money you earn and B) that more money = good when our entire education system will do absolutely NOTHING to teach you about how to handle that money.
I’m probably preaching to the choir here (does that translate colloquially? It means I’m telling you something you already know/believe).
But hopefully you can begin to see just how deep this system of ranking, judgement and value are engrained in our culture.
It’s a difficult thought process to break, for sure.
But I’ve had friends and colleagues who have literally said to me “You mean other people’s opinions of me don’t matter?” and it’s been a revelation.
Too many of us treat our life like a venn diagram dartboard.
We have goals and passions and things we love, and we hope that when we throw the dart, it lands on something that we love and other people will accept and love about us.
When really, you’ve got your dartboard and I’ve got mine.
I’m extremely lucky to have a Mum who never ever judged me for not being academic or frankly – book smart.
I didn’t do well at school and my best friend Ollie (who is now a groundbreaking chemical engineer in the hydrogen fuel cell industry) was on the polar opposite side of the scale to me.
But somehow people knew I’d do ok, most likely because I would probably be good at sales.
And I am.
Which I can 100% tell you was absolutely looked down on at school as a career.
Hell, it’s looked down on now.
I’ve had plenty of people who complain about their life and work and job and business, tell me that I could have done more or I should do something more moral.
But I’ve never EVER had someone who is happy with their life and their job openly judge me for what I do.
I know I’m loved.
I at least like myself (most of the time) and I have a self acceptance of who I am.
I know that my values and morals make sense to me, regardless of how many people agree with me.
And my Facebook feed is FILLED with talented, hardworking, and academic bright people who struggle with work and purpose because they’re too interested in following what others tell them is good to go after.
You are loved. You are valuable.
You have merit and worth regardless of what you achieve.
