Here are the 7 smartest things you can do on you WordPress business website, to make it look like you’ve got your shit together.
NOTE* THIS IS A JOKE ARTICLE PEOPLE. PLEASE STOP EMAILING ME SAYING THAT YOU DO THESE THINGS ALREADY OR THAT THIS IS THE WORST ADVICE YOU’VE EVER HEARD. I’m guilty of a few of these myself, I’m only poking fun at what seems to be the most current trends (that suck).
Have a super massive parallax image
Nothing says ‘cutting edge designer genius’ like an oversized image with a parallax effect.
Makes visitors think that they’re on a creative, brand aware super site.
Minimal words for menu items
Make sure your menu is hyper-minimalist and uses words like ‘philosophy’ instead of ‘about us’. Or better yet, ‘phlsphy’.
Flat, bold, pastel colours
Look how cool and kooky I am. By conforming to extremely rigid colours.
No trendy marketing WordPress website design website is complete without bold, sharp pastel coloured buttons and boxes everywhere. For some fucking reason.
Sexy job titles
Look, it’s the foodgineer guy again.
Call yourself and your team awesome sounding job titles like ‘code-wrangler’, ‘digital marketing ninja’ and ‘social-webgineer’. Your visitors will be impressed.
Use non-specific, technical marketing terms.
If you can get the other joke here, email me and I’ll give you £10
Everyone understands what ‘intensive brand awareness driven media buy-in’ means, so make sure to use long words that sound impressive. Because they are.
Force yourself to be funny
In fact, while we’re on this subject. People who say “you’ve won the internet” are absolute wankers.
Visitors like a sense of humour. Refer to your cats as your ‘therapist’ and make sure to include a funny word or two in your Twitter bio. It reminds people of your unique wacky zaney personality.
Repetitive and bland promises
Here’s a hint. If I could say the same thing, or your competitors don’t want to say the opposite – it’s not a unique proposition
Your businesses story should always be backed up with statements like “we weren’t happy with XYZ, so we decided to give a professional, affordable solution”. Generic value statements make a business.
Okay, I’ve poked a lot of fun at some pretty harmless stuff. This was more just a post to combat the onslaught of trends that hits our industry. The truth is that I’m guilt of every single one of these, and it’s because I thought if I followed trends, I’d stand out more.
By saying “I like that”, theres nothing at all wrong with imitating people you admire. But as with all good things, we over do them.
What’s your MOST annoying habit or feature on a website design website? What can’t you stand when people do or say? Let me know in the comments below.
